Self-Protection
Distancing from, removing, or blocking any family member that bullied, tormented, or harmed me in any way is a fierce act of love for my inner children.
Especially if they remain indifferent when I’ve tried to have a conversation with them about it.
How So?
It’s no different to protecting my boys.
Or keeping my distance from colleagues that aren’t my cup of tea.
It raises the question if we’re only allowed to ‘not take’ to outsiders?
I would concur that this is the case in most families. Yet, the sad reality is, the most evil spirits can occupy the people you share blood with.
I know this isn’t the case for EVERYONE, and if you’ve never had an experience that you can even slightly relate to – please do count your blessings!!
For those of us who can relate, I see you and no, you’re not crazy!
Me personally, I call it out and let people know they can miss me with incomplete bible quotes and guilt around respect and how I treat certain people due to title.
A lot of the time I’ve found that they attempt to guilt you in an attempt to cover up their own lack of courage or even failure to speak out when they should have.
I’m at peace and will feel no way to cut ties as many times as possible to maintain said peace.
Inserting Boundaries
At the beginning of 2023 I decided to give a family member the benefit of the doubt.
As someone who has made her own fair share of mistakes when I didn’t know better or under significant stress, I wanted to be “fair”.
I adopted the all too familiar “norm” of letting bygones be bygones. No accountability needed…mistake numero uno.
However, despite me seeing sides to them that I loved, the characteristics that tormented me as a child were too prominent to ignore.
I was not only re-traumatising my own inner children but was putting my own kids at risk of being abused.
I could simply no longer stomach these characteristics.
It hit me that I’m no longer available to subjecting myself or my babies (don’t care their age they’ll always be my babies) to snide comments and insults in the disguise of banter, culture, or skin thickening.
Seriously where did this belief come from that if we ridicule, berate, bully and mock our children first it means they’re better prepared to handle it when out in the world?
The reality is that treating them like this breaks their self-esteem and self-worth down to zero. When out in the world you’ve actually set them up for failure. The minority that grow a thick skin and can “defend” themselves are more likely to find themselves being abused in this way behind closed doors (sound familiar?).
So the sense of self you thought you’d helped them build doesn’t even exist!
So what Now?
It’s actually hard, if not impossible, to properly be the protective adult for your children if you’re not yet showing up as that for yourself.
Make yourself unavailable for the comments, back-biting and gossip that may come your way. Resist the urge to defend and over-explain your choices.
This is about you breaking inter-generational cycles.
This is about you unconditionally loving yourself.
This is about your freedom and sovereignty.
This is about your SOUL’S journey.
It’s time to become the unconditionally loving adult for yourself that you never had.