What Did I Know About It?
Absolutely nothing!
Accountability was never modelled to me.
Blame was though…
Projection was…
Avoidance was…
This trio was all too familiar to me.
So intricately embedded, I was completely unaware that accountability was a thing!
That "fateful" Day!
I remember the day my friend presented me with a major red flag in my relationship.
Back then I wasn’t open to facing difficulty head on (although there was so much of it in my life!).
My then boyfriend, and father of my children, was openly flirting with a girl on twitter.
The brazenness of it all slammed me.
The shock crippled me.
And the shame had me in a chokehold.
Not to mention I was hella embarrassed.
But did I OWN that this was a long time coming?
Not the being done dirty part (because he was 100% accountable for his actions!), but that the relationship needed some serious attention!
Or that HIS behaviour was the problem…not her highlighting it to me?
Did I heck!
Nope! I turned on her!
Another thing to fully forgive myself for!
Why Accountability Is Rarely Chosen
Despite the fact that she didn’t come to me on a whim, she really had done the research (something I can appreciate now lol, but didn’t back then) I was in major denial and focused on the timing of it all.
It was a pivotal time in my life. I was some way into my second pregnancy so I was floored, to say the least.
But with hindsight, I was really just mad at myself.
I was in, what felt like, an impossible situation.
Being accountable would mean me having to make some VERY difficult decisions. Decisions I was simply too scared to make!
Now I can see what a gift this actually was.
One I turned down at the time, but a seed had been planted.
A short time later this gift would be re-presented in another form and it would be undeniable.
Accountability is not always easy, but it is 100% your responsibility.
3 Ways I Got Acquainted With Accountability
- I had to become radically honest with myself (a whole journey and not easy in the beginning!).
- I started making note of things, no matter how I felt about them or wished they were different.
- I chose to acknowledge the reality I was being presented with, without becoming too attached. This was a key lesson in acceptance (layers of which are still being revealed to me now). I didn’t have to like it but I could no longer continue denying it.
3 Ways Being Accountable Has Helped Me
- It has helped me find peace in situations that were chaotic and draining.
- It has increased my confidence in my decision making.
- It lessons fear. In doing what I believe is best (not fear-based) I own my consequences and so am prepared to live with them.
Thankfully, I now invite accountability for myself and from others daily. It really does make all the difference.
