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A few years ago I was reflecting and recognised “the best of me” in each of my boys (back when I only had 4) and I wrote the following on IG:
You embody my most childlike self; corny jokes, laughter, and having a great time with family & friends.
You embody the me that cherishes my time but also loves to be with those I love. Helping them, doing for them, making memories.
You embody my positivity, with a smile that lights up the space I’m in. You shine regardless of the weather.
And you’re my inner peace. My faith that all is always working out for me. The calm in the chaos. You are proof of flow.
You are all the best of me. #mumofboys #mumof4 #blessed
I think we can all agree that 2020 was a year for us all.
For me, it was the year I dove deeper into healing.
Reflecting back on this post I can see now how it was written from a place of ego. And that’s not a judgement, just an honest observation.
Yes, what I wrote is true, they do have those traits, the issue is that I only wanted to acknowledge the “best parts of me”. Giving myself grace I can also say that it was all I could handle back then too. Two things can be true at the same time.
I only wanted to “pay homage” to what was good. And be validated for it.
But true healing means having to face reality. And my reality was that my parenting needed work. I was deeply wounded.
As much as I didn’t want to admit it my boys were also learning and embodying the wounded parts of me.
That was a hard pill to swallow!
Children act out what is modeled for them.
They simply do as they see, no matter how much we’d prefer they only did as we say!
Ha, that would be too easy right?!
Despite acknowledging (intellectually) that my boys were my mirrors, there was this major blind spot when it came to those less desirable traits.
I was in deep denial. And of course, I wasn’t the only person they were exposed to but I was and am their main caregiver.
The reality was my shadow was being exposed and I wasn’t ready to deal!
Who really wants to face the “other” side (read shadow side) of themselves? Not many!!
As I’ve said before, you don’t know what you don’t know. But once you know you can’t unknow.
Luckily, the beauty of healing is that as painful as it is to see the less “palatable” parts of yourself, it’s actually (in the long run) a huge gift.
Perfection is indeed a myth. And thankfully it’s no longer the goal.
If, like me, perfection has been a thing to overcome, acknowledging certain parts of yourself will be excruciating. But you and your babies/loved ones will thank you for it later.
You don’t have to feel shame. Or Guilt. Or Less than. In order to do better.
These feelings, if held onto, hinder you from being and doing better.
Forgiveness is key. Read the post on Motherhood & Forgiveness here.
Being able to own you (the good, the bad & the ugly) and choose to heal – do better, be better – makes you more loveable, and dare I say it, more authentic!?
And really, this isn’t about anyone else.
It’s about you.
Do it for you. For your inner children.
To be able to see ourselves fully, not just the “palatable” parts and still love ourselves and be unafraid to be loved is brave.
The people around you, and your children if you have them, can support you in this.
Just remember to stay accountable for yourself, because the work is still your responsibility. #notetoself
